Day 36

June 2, 2011 Today was the day that Mikey was supposed to meet Ben, but he stayed at his dads for an extra day that meant mama had the apartment all to herself!
So day 36 got hot and heavy in between the sheets . Another story that youโ€™ll have to wait to read in the book.
However, I want to leave you with this…
Cheating isnโ€™t always what it seems. Itโ€™s not as ๐‘’๐‘Ž๐‘ ๐‘ฆ as people think.
As attracted as we were to one another, there was this level of guilt and shame that ๐’˜๐’† both had to deal with so the intimacy took a while to cultivate.
There were many tears in the early days together. There was a lot of emotion and a lot of pain. Neither Ben or I wanted anyone to get hurt, but inevitably in any break up someone will
๐‘Ž๐‘™๐‘ค๐‘Ž๐‘ฆ๐‘  get hurt. In this situation we were ๐‘Ž๐‘™๐‘™ hurting.
Men stay in marriages because they think itโ€™ll be easier than divorce. Women stay in marriages for the same reason. Neither happy, both longing for more…
And then one day something ๐‘š๐‘œ๐‘Ÿ๐‘’ shows up.
I read a post that said โ€œonce a cheater, always a cheaterโ€ and I donโ€™t believe that to be true. Friends told ๐’Ž๐’† that early on too….
Thereโ€™s a difference between a husband who cheats bc the intimacy is gone and a husband who cheats while the intimacy is still there and vice versa.
I think itโ€™s important for me to share this bc I know someone is reading this triggered AF bc of their own experience. Blaming the other woman instead of looking inward at where the relationship got lost and taking responsibility for that.
We had many conversations about him going back. We had many conversations about working things out. But his marriage was over long before I ever came into the picture.
For my own peace of mind I needed to know I did everything to make this wrong right. But it would take years to get to a level of forgiveness with all parties involved.
Unfortunately, because of the sequence of timing, I would take on the brunt of the responsibility from every angle. It was ๐’‰๐’‚๐’“๐’…!
When women tell me theyโ€™ve entered into a relationship with a married man, I will always steer them in a different direction bc letโ€™s face it, I got real lucky that Ben chose me. Not all men do that and the aftermath is painful.
What I lived through is not for the faint of heart. In the end, I would do it all over again but in the beginning I wouldโ€™ve wished it had a different start.

Be kind to everyone you meet. You just donโ€™t know their story, until you really get to ๐‘˜๐‘›๐‘œ๐‘ค their story. Whoโ€™s coming back for ๐ƒ๐š๐ฒ 37?

Costa Rica sunset 3/2017. Ben Lover is there now without me….



It is my pleasure to work with you on your emotional, mental, and physical being. Iโ€™m here to help you find the balance and connection between your mind, body and soul. We were all brought here for a reason and to fulfill a purpose. Itโ€™s time to become the best version of YOU. You deserve it and it is my mission in life to help you achieve that. I truly believe you have the power to create the life youโ€™ve always desired.- and I can help you. Iโ€™m looking forward to learning and growing with you! XO Shilamida

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