May 15, 2011 Today is the day that I would start telling my friends. One in particular… It was time to talk about ℎ𝑖𝑚. ￼
I was so excited to share him with the world but I wasn’t sure how the world would react. Back in the day, I wouldn’t have thought twice about hooking up with a married man. I know judgy pants, I know… Not proud, but it’s the truth.
I was self destructive. I didn’t care. It wasn’t about the hook up, it was about a need and a void that I was trying to
I wasn’t seeking it, but I also wasn’t turning it away. I was desperate for attention. I wanted to 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 loved 𝑠𝑜 bad. It didn’t matter who it was from, I was just seeking attention, until I started to heal…
So when I told my first friend, she wasn’t so surprised. But me, I didn’t feel good about it at all because in this case
𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡.
𝑆ℎ𝑒 saw the old me. Not the spiritually expanding me. She already had a perception of me . I was changing and growing but she didn’t see me. Only the old me.
I thought I would’ve felt better, but I didn’t. And as time went on I would feel real horrible about the rumors that were about to get spread about me.
What I’ve learned in this life.
Be careful who you share the things with People have your back until they don’t People love you until they don’t
You are being judged all day long, so you may as well make yourself happy.
Friends come and go, soul mate love is forever.
Meeting Benjamin was an awakening for me.
Although I was who I was in the past, that’s not who attracted Ben. My healed self, my enlightened self, my goddess self attracted Ben.
Not my desperate, needy, don’t give a ɟnɔʞ self. There was a difference and my friend didn’t see it.
My moms words from yesterday started to creep into my end, the doubt, the fear, that shortness of breath, until text alert…
Benjamin: I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, princess. Happy Anniversary Me:
Anytime he called/texted me or touched me, I just knew everything was going to be ok…
Do you think I still talk to that friend?