May 8, 2011 I woke up on this Mother’s Day morning with the biggest smile on my face. Was I dreaming? Or was this 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙 life? I look at my phone… there’s a text from ℎ𝑖𝑚.
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑀𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟’𝑠 𝐷𝑎𝑦 𝐵𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙.
This wasn’t a 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚. This was real life. This was 𝑚𝑦 life. But why? Why was this happening?
I was doing all the work. The love work, the gratitude work, the forgiveness work.
Why was my manifestation coming through this way? (Little did I know then, I was about to go through a major
I was so specific, 𝐼 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡. Ben is everything I asked for… but why did he have a wife? How did this happen? How would this work now? Do I tell my friends? My 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦? What would they 𝑠𝑎𝑦 or 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘?
All of a sudden my heart started racing, I was getting 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, I was sweating, my mind was racing. I was having a panic attack.
𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 I repeated to myself. 𝑰𝒏𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑬𝒙𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒆. 𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆. You are ok Shil. You are protected. 𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆.
(Panic attacks were a regular occurrence for me in my 20’s and early 30’s. I hated being medicated for it, so in my spiritual journey I learned how to breathe through it. It would take more than breathwork to get through the next 6 + years but I figured it out along the way.)
𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑜𝑘. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑.
𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒌.
Benjamin: I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again. I hope you are having a beautiful day. Me: